trying to survive

Feeling weak again. Was so miserable yesterday. The same chilling feel in my heart, which occurs for too many times since i come to UCSI, and which, i tried to prevent, cause it'll just drain my energy, my will, my rational thinking, my strength to stand strong. Too frequent now.Trembled and shivered like mad. An eggtart for breakfast and bread for lunch. No appetite at all. Moreover NO ONE is going to care anyway. Eat for the sake of not feeling hungry.

That's why i got kinda scolded by Miss Ashley today for attending class with empty stomach. and PikYing for not taking good care of myself.

It's pretty stupid,me. It's not like i dunno all those. but i let myself be like that.sigh.Somehow coming to UCSI just makes me an idiot besides learning things and such.

Why did I ever wanna to stay longer in KL? Why did i ever have the thought in the first place?

yesterday Liang who saw me and was soo cheerful to see me,asked me.."why you look so sad? why you don't smile like always?"

Oskar: " If you're tired it's okay we'll practice next time""no no i'll try my best to play. let's run thru"
He actually helps me carried my beg and books almost everything immediately and soo quickly and silently to another room when i told him i wanna switch practice room. I just took my laptop when he already to and fro twice transferring my stuff. Im not that weak Oskar...! i look that cham meh =.=.....

To have come to school so early in the morning and back late at night, what did you think ppl lke me really wish and hope for? besides practicing and online...

to meet and see if there's any of my friends in school! if i stay at home i wont get a slightest chance of seeing any other friends at all. Guess what, there's a day when i was in classroom, Kenny coming in from the left saying"oh you come to school today!" and "ehh..? you're here!" coming from the right almost at the same time, it's Shin Hong...! It was a surprise and yet i was so delighted...!thankful......

and Pik Ying, Hong Liang, Oskar Y,Kenny, met them past few days and expecting some of them today as well! did they know even if they just chatted with me for a while, I'm already feeling so grateful and happy just a little...?

Thing's just, mo ming qi miao.

Who's weird now huh. who?

Who's thinking too much now huh....?

To be avoided, and the feeling of thrown to the side again.... as if my existence is just an irritation.... NOT funny......

i wanna know what is it. i wanna face whatever it is.the prob. but i have to know WHAT 1st.....!

where's my close friend.........?