Reality

It's true.......

Only your own family truly care and love you. and the long-bonded friendship that's precious and real. You'll know it when it comes to difficulties, who's there and who's purposely left you. To have cared too much about things on the surface is way too stupid. Yet, you still hope and still believe things are not the way you thought they are...and wished you're wrong,and that you're being too sensitive.

Life has been tough for me lately..? There are things that are so obvious, it hurt and drain your ability to control your emotions.

I cant believe i just let my eyes went red and wet during last CME observation...sobbing silently... and being silly. SIAO.

Ming had never known how much it had cheered me when we sight read 1p4h that day.

Whether it's a joke, tease, or intentional behavior, it hurt every times it occurs. i dont like it... I wonder how my heart can stand it until now.

It was not the first time i felt being thrown to the side, being left alone on PURPOSE let me be dead or alive.

Why should i care so much? it's not worth for me to care. since i am not being cared nor being treated as equal importance.

but still, i do mind. no matter how i dun want to. it's...not easy. and it's silly. grrr...

It has affected me the whole week, no matter how much i wanna deny, on my progression on my major. I couldn't practice. Emotion kills.

I dont want to be this way. I've come here to kl to learn, and practice, to improve, and enhance my knowledge and skills. My purpose of coming here. i would have to keep reminding myself on that.

Close friends know me of enduring terrrible emotions. unhealthy in a way. but they also know how it will be when the feelings accumulate and 'burst'........

I let it all out last night.

Sad isnt it, for not being able to talk to you and you but end up blogging. thought you two were.. the only one i could really talk to.... sigh...... ironic ne....

I wish we could be how we used to be. together. it's sad..whenever i look at pics....

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I think i understand J. but it's still my own interpretation, i couldnt be totally right. She has been hurt so much. Sad and down everyday. but smile and laugh with me when i greeted her... She will be there standing besides her when she needs her, still there ever ready to help her... trying to find her every now and then, but walked away silently when she saw her thru the glass practicing aural with a friend.

That's why i couldnt really stand it. Does she know J has been sooo sad and hurt....? or she knew it but she doesnt care..........?

to smile and greet soo charmingly at someone you hate, and that you've been talking badly behind him/her. Who are you...

I still remember you telling me something like this... ''it's good to befriend with your enemy or someone you hate,in that way you know their weakness & ability and you will not lose to them/you know how to deal with them'' she turned to me.. " so Sze Ern, you may see me being nice to you, but actually im treating you as enemy'' !!! I goes @.@ and you said ''no la no la kiddin haha"

im speechless.

I've learnt and seen a lot, besides music, on ppl, in UCSI. The selfishness, the cruelty, the boastful,the backstabber, the self-centered,the dont-care-ness,the whatever-would-do-ness,the openness,the im-right-you're wrong-ness, the modern thinking. yes there are kind ppl, the caring,the tender,the helpful,and the friendly. whatever it is, we are all human. bound by sin. and that we have to admit that we sin. not just im doing what i think it's right, and this is me, and that you cant change it.you have your own opinion and i have mine. sigh.... we are nothing. nothing as all. sinful as we are,we have to repent.