Reality

It's true.......

Only your own family truly care and love you. and the long-bonded friendship that's precious and real. You'll know it when it comes to difficulties, who's there and who's purposely left you. To have cared too much about things on the surface is way too stupid. Yet, you still hope and still believe things are not the way you thought they are...and wished you're wrong,and that you're being too sensitive.

Life has been tough for me lately..? There are things that are so obvious, it hurt and drain your ability to control your emotions.

I cant believe i just let my eyes went red and wet during last CME observation...sobbing silently... and being silly. SIAO.

Ming had never known how much it had cheered me when we sight read 1p4h that day.

Whether it's a joke, tease, or intentional behavior, it hurt every times it occurs. i dont like it... I wonder how my heart can stand it until now.

It was not the first time i felt being thrown to the side, being left alone on PURPOSE let me be dead or alive.

Why should i care so much? it's not worth for me to care. since i am not being cared nor being treated as equal importance.

but still, i do mind. no matter how i dun want to. it's...not easy. and it's silly. grrr...

It has affected me the whole week, no matter how much i wanna deny, on my progression on my major. I couldn't practice. Emotion kills.

I dont want to be this way. I've come here to kl to learn, and practice, to improve, and enhance my knowledge and skills. My purpose of coming here. i would have to keep reminding myself on that.

Close friends know me of enduring terrrible emotions. unhealthy in a way. but they also know how it will be when the feelings accumulate and 'burst'........

I let it all out last night.

Sad isnt it, for not being able to talk to you and you but end up blogging. thought you two were.. the only one i could really talk to.... sigh...... ironic ne....

I wish we could be how we used to be. together. it's sad..whenever i look at pics....

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I think i understand J. but it's still my own interpretation, i couldnt be totally right. She has been hurt so much. Sad and down everyday. but smile and laugh with me when i greeted her... She will be there standing besides her when she needs her, still there ever ready to help her... trying to find her every now and then, but walked away silently when she saw her thru the glass practicing aural with a friend.

That's why i couldnt really stand it. Does she know J has been sooo sad and hurt....? or she knew it but she doesnt care..........?

to smile and greet soo charmingly at someone you hate, and that you've been talking badly behind him/her. Who are you...

I still remember you telling me something like this... ''it's good to befriend with your enemy or someone you hate,in that way you know their weakness & ability and you will not lose to them/you know how to deal with them'' she turned to me.. " so Sze Ern, you may see me being nice to you, but actually im treating you as enemy'' !!! I goes @.@ and you said ''no la no la kiddin haha"

im speechless.

I've learnt and seen a lot, besides music, on ppl, in UCSI. The selfishness, the cruelty, the boastful,the backstabber, the self-centered,the dont-care-ness,the whatever-would-do-ness,the openness,the im-right-you're wrong-ness, the modern thinking. yes there are kind ppl, the caring,the tender,the helpful,and the friendly. whatever it is, we are all human. bound by sin. and that we have to admit that we sin. not just im doing what i think it's right, and this is me, and that you cant change it.you have your own opinion and i have mine. sigh.... we are nothing. nothing as all. sinful as we are,we have to repent.

1st post in 2010 @.@

LOL it has been 2+months since i last updated my blog..? Felt so paiseh to ppl out there who still visiting my blog ^-^''

Yes i have so much to tell, so many things to share with you all, but you know every time when i was thinking of updating my blog, i somehow got lazy and wished if only the com would just type out what's in my mind, rather to let me type long-winded essay and consciously recheck on what i was about to post. Dont know why all of sudden i got the mood to update here at this hour of time hahahaha~

It's 5:10am now. I couldnt sleep. Maybe it's got to do with what i ate and drank few hours ago : 2 glass of teh tarik and tosai kosong at mamak store nearby for my late dinner. LOL.

Right. So it's 1st day of Feb 2010 right now. School's life so far is quite fine. Still can cope despite more classes/assignments and physically/mentally more constraining. Have to practice and strive more to improve. Stressed? yes of course more or less, but it's not truly a burden to do the hard works -- it's enjoyment. The joy of learning new pieces, playing chamber music with friends, and experiencing the wonders of music. I'm truly blessed, of given the chances to study/learn what i want/interested/love. and feeling blessed again... of knowing them.. :)
Im sooo looking forward to CNY, to be back home gather with family and cousins and friends..! ( tho i will only be back home for less than one week.....) and i miss having family dinner..!! and.. bro is coming back this year for CNY yay yay yay!! XD

so it's 6:10am right now. I should try to get some sleep. Dad is coming to see me again later before he leaves kl in the afternoon. yay~

why...?

When you found that your friend is not making a wise decision on certain matter, knowing him/her will/might be in torture or pain if he/she does so, yet you do not know what's the best way to tell or advice them... knowing you might ended up making the matter worse...just like the past experiences..?

Seeing your friends in tears and sorrow, yet don't even know HOW to help them,and all you could do is just lending them shoulder and ears, only know to tell them ''Be Strong..'' and silently comforting them...and adding just few little thoughts & advices..? What friend is this?!

And the personal fear...of their possible outcomes of their decisions...... and some which might affect them.... the rest of their lives..??!

What can i do??!!!

I'm quite frustrated with myself at times.

Back in Kch

Tadaima!!!~~ Im back home, safe and still alive LOL..

Wasn't feeling so well ever since i was back home from kl tho. Having headache for the past few days. but not a big deal.

Had Kolo Mee for my first dinner in kch after i came back, and Laksa for breakfast the next day. The YEARNS for kch's specialities... ;)

I have to get used to see all the GREENS here. Maybe the two months stays in KL had confused and blurred my sight. I was staring at the green leaves from the trees next door on the past Monday, reminding myself-- Im back in kch..Im back in kch.... (im back in kch..??) LOL

I suddenly woke up at around 1am this morning, awfully missing my friends for no reason... rushed to my laptop and online,signed in to msn. Didn't see them online tho, which should be expected. Went back to sleep again...

to Sungei Wang again

Went to Sungei Wang with Linda yesterday to buy a shoulder rest for my viola. After lunch at KFC,lower ground floor, we saw this:

I never heard of ThomasJack before so my first impression of these two singers was-- they are soo young! (18 and 19 wor according to Min..) it was as if seeing my friend Anthony(because he's a bit tanned and they are,too) and schoolmate dancing and singing on stage. Linda cannot really tahan them so we didn't stay for long.

and.. they OBVIOUSLY lip-synced ah!! sigh... i wonder why they even bothered to take the mic.. >.> (no offense)

Guess what, it's our first time to hop on the wrong train to get back to Hang Tuah to interchange station. LOL...

life at UCSI

Life at UCSI is pretty cool. We outstation students will go practice early in the morning(and i mean real early!since the rooms are mostly fully booked after 8/9am) have classes in the afternoon, and practice again at night(till 10++pm). I always joke to my friends in kch that we actually need to fight to use the practice room. It is partly true anyway LOL. It is just so nice to be able to meet new friends here who do the same things as you do(i.e.piano playing), share/discuss among ourselves the pieces that we play,hear them demonstrating their pieces,or just simply chat with them. They can be really interesting sometime,the way they talk or express themselves. I feel so blessed. hahaha...~~

I don't think I eat like usual here in kl. Well actually i dont even REMEMBER to eat nor do i really care about it.. it's like there are more important things to do than eat. sometimes friends will have to ask and pull me out to eat haha.. i even ate one sweet nia for whole day when i was soo busy last sat but not good of course.. can tahan during day time but feeling very exhausted at night. so ate some small slice of cakes served after the evangelical rally at church,at night .

Somemore not electricity in my dorm last night. so guess what I ate? LOL. a pack of keropok. the only food in my room that i could eat without microwave and hot water. Today i treated myself better. ate fried rice for brunch and a cup of instant cereal drink for dinner.

I have to remind myself not to torture my stomach LOL.

Some friends at kch know HOW MUCH i have wished (yearned..) to be able to play duet with someone,and that i always fail to find someone to do so with me. and so I've literally bought and brought a second-handed Mozart for Four hands,all the way from kch to kl, with much hope that I can find someone here at last to play that with me. and yes i did, and it was great! HOWEVER......!! I LOST MY BOOK,my PRECIOUS MOZART DUET book.. on past tuesday.........!!! T.T and I havent even played sonata in D major K 448 yet..!!! T.T NOOOoo....!!!

and my Chopin complete etudes as well......... !!! why????!!....... T.T

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Photos time!~

Lindawati aka Linda, indonesian. She's even prettier in real life than what we see here and she is sooo kind XD~~

from right to left: Alex, who plays a lot of Chopin,very expressive and play many fast pieces,local; Everett, forgot where he's from but he's taking composition and contemporary piano(if im not wrong), local as well(i think). I only met and get to know him not long ago; Teddy-- yes that's his name. indonesian.

He only started to learn piano 3 years ago and so he still needs to learn a lot,but impressive already for only playing for 3 years. having the advantages of having long fingers and big hands, he plays Chopin and Rachmaninoff. He is 3 years younger than me btw @.@

LOL. This is Jessica. Indonesian as well. She can be very funny haha~ I will definitely have chances to hear her playing in the future ^-^

And there's a lot more ppl and pictures that i wanna show you guys in the near future so stay tune! LOL

I have changed my minor instrument to viola. but my instructor..she's a good violist but... sigh~

and recital is in 3 weeks time. practice practice!~

Im going to watch a real LIVE musical play tomorrow, the first time in my whole life. i cant wait!XD

I stumbled across this when i visited youtube homepage just now:



New moon is my least favourite in twilight series however this trailer makes me looking forward to the release of the movie. hmm...

UCSI

Yay i manage to online in my room for the first time!(actually it was me who dunno how to do the configuration LOL) the line is faster than what i have in kch. Everything's fine for me(except UCSI is located on a hill!LOL lots of walking and it's kind of steep.). Cafes(eg Secret Recipe,Old Town Kopitiam etc),barber's,Watson, Mc Donald(5 mins walk from residental hall),and Giant(5mins also) are just outside the campus.

Today is the first day of orientation and though it's like what is expected, it's tiring somehow. whole day until 6pm( but i know im fortunate as compared to friends at local u). Have done with the course selection and i just got to know that short sem means it's 7 WEEKS long and after that final exam LOL... oh ya btw i took violin as minor instrument XDXD Starting from 0. Im still excited! I actually wanna go practise tonight but it's already 740pm by the time i reach the residential hall after my dinner and yeah.. it closed at 8 pm so.. next day ler..

3 more days

3 more days to Tuesday. today is my last lesson with the kids. have been shopping for few days liao.. window shop alot but dint really buy much.. some clothes,shoes,etc. We can do more of that at KL.

My bro preferred Mac than HP although it's more expensive. He did however agreed that it's safer for me to bring HP notebook to school, the cheaper notebook, hoping to decrease the chances of being stolen...in such crimes-prone place as in KL. I even bought a backpack especially for my laptop ah.. which is safer than the hand-carry one..

I've almost done packing my stuffs, thanks to mom and dad who(out of caring and anxious) reminded me for sooo many time until i started to do so.. >.> yeah my books are the one contributing the most to the weight of my luggages.

SOMEhow I just started to play SDO.thought it's not very fun at first but then it became more and more addictive. lvl 11 nia so far(played for 5 days nia.. slow ler..) and yeah lvl 6 and above's songs are cool.. some are insane.. and LOTS of ppl love to play ''Thank you'',lvl 9, if only u get what i mean. The only one (soo far )that caused me game over when i played it (when it reach the middle part!). some ppl only level 5 nia already can play better then me >.> I guess Kim would know what im talking about.

BUT! will delete SDO on tues from my notebook. school more important ah..moreover to play SDO i have to disable some what what Security at Control panel because im using Vista.. When im bored i always can play facebook mah so no prob.

Very tired right now. That's it for today.

It rains!!! XD

Kch is rather hazy for the past few days but not as serious as compared to Sibu. The air is stuffy and hot, not comfortable to even walk outside for a few secs. We see red/orange sun in the morning and orange moon at night. Kch is going to face water shortage IF it doesnt rain. Government even lower the water pressure throughout kch so as to save some water. HOWEVER, it RAINS last night!! and it's a heavy one! XD But ho... the rains that poured down is..rather dirty. thnks to the haze.

See this pic 1. You cant see the cloud, nor BLUE sky. Can you guess about what time it was?
Then this one. pic2. This was taken around 6pm. while pic1 is taken around 12pm. Not much different right?

My mum always collects raindrops to wash the tile floor of my Little Black. This is the result of the overnight rain.

Recently

Just bought a HP laptop last friday. My very first! Haha. So far it's okay for me and I have no complain :D

My parents(instead of me)are counting days. Our whole family will come along with me to KL this 25 august, for settling down at UCSI hostel and pre-uni preparation. They will be attending Diploma ceremony at Sheraton hotel on 31 August as well(yeah!)

It's rather dry and hot lately. The haze makes it worse. No rains. Ppl around me got sick one by one(me too Lol). Everyone is very alerted by this contagious h1n1. My mum made me to take 3 ubat vitamin C daily when i caught flu and soar throat not long ago =.= (I hate pills) Accoring to the news today,12 death so far in M'sia. even little kids.. scary ah...

It's august, so it's Merdeka month. and yes KCH FEST again! but sadly no Parade this year. It's all about food. Government LITERALLY built a stage on the lake for opening ceremony and performances. I only took one pic using my E75:

this is only the very corner part of the whole fest.

My cousin Siu Gin asked me to watch Super Junior's Sorry Sorry dance version so yes i did. Here it is.

Well it's okay for me. bit cool, and cute for the ''sorry'' part. But i heard from Gin that this song is the top hit song in whole Asia and LOTS of ppl learn this dance steps. LOL. Watch this.



LOL!! the prisoners and the crowd are having fun!! quite cool also. They dance Michael Jackson's Thriller as well. You can search youtube for that.